How to make your child feel valued any day of the week

We are still making things happen a year after everything closed due to the Coronavirus. Holidays and birthdays kept happening. Because of the date of my son’s birthday, he became our trial for everyone else’s socially distant birthday last year. We are around the same time again so we had another birthday come around again. I learned many things throughout the year and making socially distanced birthday parties a success was one of them. The key to birthday success is happiness and honor. These are the same qualities that can help your child feel valued any day!

How I planned the birthday

My son is a middle child, so there is that. Do you have any interest in birth order characteristics? There are some personality characteristics that relate directly to birth order that I have always been intrigued by and am able to see illustrated in my children since there is an odd number of of them= three. Here is an article that relates directly to the middle child.

Did I peak your interest? Here is a list of things that only middle children can relate to. When I read these, I immediately pictured my son and his behaviors. It also helped me reflect only interaction with him. Gaining an understanding on where someone basis their actions in their thought patterns can assist you in how you deal directly with them.

He is also the only boy, so there is also that.

Last year, we were figuring out so many things. Everything seemed so different than anything anyone had experienced before. We held a virtual zoom party for him last year with different friends who could log in and we celebrated at home. Fast forward to this year and his party looked much the same. We still did not invite friends to a party. In fact, he did not even ask for that to happen. We have gotten so far removed from a typical birthday celebration.

Now, he was able to have some outings throughout the weekend that I think made his journey into another year special. That is what we try to do as a family is make your birthday special for you. We did that for him.

Birthday Weekend Shenanigans

Day before birthday activities

• Played at park with family friends
• Went clothes shopping for 10 items that he wanted- shirts with sayings on them and sports shorts
• Donut shop
• Movie night with candy bar and snacks

Birthday activities

• Sleeping in
• Full breakfast
• Present opening
• Arcade with daddy
• Pick up lunch at restaurant of his choice
• Crab leg and seafood dinner- crab legs were at his request. We usually get these at the beach but you decide to cook many things during a pandemic.
• Family bike ride

We are gradually integrating back into a routine that involves individuals outside of our home and immediate family. We haven’t been hermits, but we did restrict access to many interactions. I know some people are moving forward quickly, but that is not my family’s personality. 

Ways I made my child feel valued for his birthday

In order to make another party that was not your typical birthday party a success, I worked hard to make sure he was able to be happy throughout the weekend. Yes, happiness is situational and conditional. Everything has to align for you to be happy. I wanted him to be happy. So I helped gather the trash to take out that weekend. I put dishes away. These are usually his chores throughout the week. He got to choose many events for the weekend. This required some preplanning on my part, but it was worth it!

Ways to make your child feel valued anytime

Do chores they are usually in charge of- What better way to celebrate someone than do the work they have to do on a regular basis. Let them relax and kick their feet up.

Ask for specific gift requests- The best way to get someone exactly what they want is to ask them directly. Nothing is wrong with getting a list of items. The surprise in which one you decide to buy. This helps you with the shopping aspect of gift giving, but also allows the birthday person to know they are going to receive a gift they appreciate.

Decide on what outings or activities will be done- Let them have some family activities and some one-on-one activities if time allows for that. They should be able to pick their favorite thing to do and you should be willing to participate.

Let them choose dinner- What is their favorite thing to eat? Let them decide what everyone will have for dinner.

Freedom in decision making without interference- Many times we attempt to assist family members in decision making. Because we know the decision they make affects us all. Someone may know what they want but we may have another thought or outcome we believe everyone would be interested in. For birthdays, don’t do this. Let their decisions be their decisions.

Time doing activities they enjoy- Some people like games or puzzles. Others like to play outdoors. Some enjoy movies. Let the birthday person decide on what they want to do and let them do it in excess.

Eating what they like without judgement- This is a once a year celebration so let them decide to what they want to eat all day.

No bad decisions (within reason)- This is when wanter they decide is acted upon. No one attempts to reason them out of it or bargain for another activity. It’s their day! So let them rule!

What it looks like when your child feels valued

The key for making your child feel valued at any time is making the individual know they are special to you. This doesn’t matter if it is socially distanced or at a party that is full of guests. A wonderful way to make your child feel special this is allow them the liberty to make decisions that they usually do not make on a regular basis. Spending time doing an activity they enjoy always lets someone know you care about them. Eating their favorite foods also provides them with a feeling of being in control. All of these actions from you allow them to feel honored. That should be the goal of your interaction: creating a feeling of honor for that special child!

Benefits of your child feeling valued

• Create a feeling of self worth- You know that the world can be cruel. You want to create a safe space for your child and let them know that they are important.
• Allow for open communication- You want your child to come to you about any situation they are dealing with at any age. Starting at a young age and letting them talk to you about their hopes, dreams, and desires is a great way to encourage open communication.
• Foster creativity- What better way to let your child use their imagination? Find out what they like and let their imagination take your family to experience new activities together.
• Solidify familial bond- Spending time together making fun memories is a wonderful way to strengthen the love you have for each other.

What makes you feel honored? How do usually let others around you know what you would like?

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Find Your Flourish! |Shanna|