Mastering Midlife: Page 1

I am a person that experiences a level of anxiety from time to time. I guess you could say that I grew up with anxious characteristics as a child. Those characteristics have continued to shape my behavior as I have matured. At this point in my life, I continue to demonstrate some anxious characteristics as I experience things on a daily basis. My midlife has been shaped by various occurrences and experiences that continue to shape who I am as a person.

Sometimes it is hard for some people to imagine I am an anxious individual as I go about my daily routine with minimal effect from it. I think that I may be able to compensate for my anxiety. I have discovered some ways to cope with that part of my personality; however certain situations can take me back to being that anxious child.

I can remember growing up and going out to eat. As an only child, I spent a lot of time with my parents. I didn’t mind because it was all I was familiar with. We had our usual routine and things that we did each week. My father grew up with a certain menu each night like fish on Fridays, chicken on Mondays, etc. He also had rice at every meal because that is what my grandfather wanted. Some of these traditions were passed down to my father like having certain meals on certain days.

In our area, we had a cafeteria style restaurant. My parents liked going there I believe for the price and the selection. It terrified me. Like I became anxious when I knew we were headed there for dinner. 

Cafeteria style is basically how the restaurant was set up.

At the start of the line, there is a long menu with today’s selections present. Then, pick up a tray and add your silverware. Next, move your tray down a line to select the food you want, state the food you would like to order, have food given to you by the server, place food on tray, and repeat until you had selected all the food items you would like to eat.

Why would a restaurant make me anxious throughout my childhood? 

Pretty much as far back as I can remember I have not enjoyed going there because of the way you have to order your food. When I was young, my parents would order for me after I chose what I wanted. All eyes on me- seeing what my selections would be. I felt like it was an even longer process when I was young because I had to see what I wanted then I first. Then, I had to ask my parents if I could have the item, which they would relay to the server.

Once I reached a certain height, the wait staff would look to me versus my parents for my order. Either way, I was anxious ordering my meal here. I would often order food that I did not really want because I wanted to get the whole ordeal over with.

I felt restricted ordering this way because I thought I could only have one type of item out of a category. Like I could to order a green salad but not get a pasta salad since they were in the same category. Present day, I am aware you can have all the different type of salads you want to as long as you paid for them. But remember I started going to this restaurant when I was five years old.

“Whaada ya havin’?”

Server at restaurant

When I spoke with my parents about the complete fear I had about this restaurant, my mother found it funny. She was in disbelief because I did not exhibit anything related to anxiety in my behavior. I internalized it all. And she thought I was silly just like you reading this may think. 

That is how kids are though. Things in our mind seem so large and difficult to overcome. I try to remember this little girl when I am interacting with my own children. Things I may think are so small may be the largest for them to overcome. 

What is the key to interacting with anyone? Currently I say it is leading with kindness. We all have different experiences we shape our responses from. We all have things we are dealing with. Being kind and supportive is many times the best thing to do for others.