Mastering Midlife: Page 2

Let’s Not Judge

Mastering Midlife: Page 2

After being a mother for close to 14 whole years now with children at various ages, I know that most mothers (really most parents) are trying to raise productive adults. We all want our children to treat others with kindness and be supportive of those around them. Yes, we all come various backgrounds and we may go about reaching this goal from a different lens. But the goal is the same.

Currently my children attend a private Christian school for their education. Both my husband and I went to public school and have been able to function well in society. I also know plenty of adults who attended public school, as well as children who now attend public schools. Why do I feel like I have to explain my decision of where my children attend school? Where you decide to have your children educated is your own decision and one you make based on your family needs. I still find myself explaining our choice.

People are judgy.

Presently, I have a preteen son and a teenage daughter. Their friend groups are viewed so differently by their teachers. I think this relates directly back to the fact that a majority of their teachers are female and are operating from a certain lens. This does not mean their teachers are not competent. It just means they are human.

Son: has 2 best friends in his class.

Daughter: has 2 best friends in her grade. 

They both also have other friends they interact with on a daily basis as well.

I know the parents of all of these children. I know some better than others, but have had lengthy conversations with them. I know some of their background. 

I have interacted with the friends on a variety of levels and talk to my own children about them. I check on their well being.

Son and friends: 

viewed as keeping up shenanigans and have to be separated in classroom. 

Daughter and friends: 

encouraged to group together and do projects together as well as work together as long as they don’t get too talkative.

Now, both my son and daughter do well in their studies. My son actually performs better than my daughter usually because of his very close to photographic memory and how he is able to understand concepts when they are explained well. He is my ‘A’ student. My daughter performs well with A’s and B’s. 

They are both usually polite when dealing with authority. 

This does not mean they are perfect. But we have attempted to raise them with love and care in hopes that they can exhibit positive characteristics when they are not at home.

I have found it interesting as they have gotten older the views that society places on females versus males in groups as well as how groups of friends are even judged is different. I have to even watch my own mindset when my son says he wants to have friends come over versus my daughter. Both groups will be loud, but I already know that my son’s group will be more physical and wild. Does that mean that they are not as well behaved?

Do you have conversations with your children about their friends and how their friends are doing? Do you speak with your children about how they may be viewed based on the company they keep?

I am that mom that wants to know the parents of the children my crew likes to hang out with. No, I am not in search of ‘mom friends’ but I do want to know who my children will be around when they are not with me. I also want to make sure that there is open communication with the parents if there is anything they need to let me know about my own child or if I need to speak with them about their child. We have to form some sort of network. It becomes a checks and balances system. Now my son is expanding his circle of friends, which was previously quite small. He is a friendly person like my husband. More of an extrovert that I am. He now even has friends in the neighborhood. These neighborhood parents I have just waved at mainly and had brief conversations with. I have not had extensive conversations with these parents yet. I have a summer goal of meeting them. The boys currently do outdoor things like ride bikes, play nerf wars, ride scooters, practice different sports, play basketball. They have not requested any outings outside of the neighborhood and my son has to stay where I can see him from the house.

Growing up is so complex. Especially in times like today. So many things have changed since I was young. I don’t even think I am that far removed from being young!

In my later years of high school, I had a group of friends that was made up of 3 girls and 2 boys. We were a group of five and called ourselves ‘The Round Table’. Do you remember some of your close friends from growing up? Thinking about these friends from my past makes me so nostalgic………

Thank you for taking time to read this post. I plan to have another installment of mastering midlife soon. I hope you are enjoying these posts. The first mastering midlife post can be found here. Check it out!

Remember to be you, be focused, and be well!

Find Your Flourish!

|Shanna|