How to End a Midlife Motherhood Crisis
Have you ever set goals in life and some how those goals get altered unexpectedly? How did you handle it? Did you reinvent yourself? Midlife motherhood appears to be the time when self evaluation and assessment occurs at a greater degree than it did in the past.
When this happens and plans have to be changed quickly, it may create feelings of discouragement. You may want to completely give up and quit.
Midlife Motherhood
I am proud to be a midlife mom. This motherhood journey has been good to me and allowed me to grow in ways I never expected. I now have three children of varying ages in high school, middle school, and elementary school. I have enjoyed most elements of the journey so far.
And sometimes I don’t like it at all. I look around at the years and think about things that I could have done. Or should have done before having these kids.
This doesn’t make me a bad mother. It just makes a reflective person who thinks about the past sometimes. What I would do if I didn’t have children? My personality is one of being thoughtful and reflective.
BUT why do we let our current position prohibit us from our dreams? Why would having children make me think that I can’t fulfill what I want to in life? Why would having children make me think I can’t be successful or move ahead in my career? Am I able to balance both?
Many people would have you think that it is not possible to have a positive home life and a successful career either from home or in the professional space. People seem to believe that one area would have to suffer. That excelling everywhere is too stressful; therefore not able to be accomplished. Why do we do that to ourselves mothers? Buy into the belief that we have to chose. Yes, it is difficult; however things in life that are worth something require a significant amount of work.
Somehow, I think mothers get confused by all the images we have around of us of organization, pictures of perfect children, and individuals who ‘have it all together.’ I have systems that I use to help me function in all spaces, but I do not boast to have it all together. Sometimes dishes are left undone. Clothes are not folded. Junk mail is piled up on the counter. My teen says that shows that the house is lived in.
Being a midlife mother creates many joys and happy memories. It also has the times of challenges and periods of feeling low. If we believe how society presents everything, there are two varying thoughts.
- Mothers can do everything for their family to support them while sacrificing their own dreams and goals.
- Mothers live to support their family. They do not have any dreams and goals outside of that.
Both of these premises are incorrect.
Self Evaluation as a Midlife Mother
This year I did a major self-evaluation and I did not like where I was. I wanted something greater and more. And I didn’t want to feel guilty about it. I wanted to be selfish but still be caring. As the year progressed, I started attending YouTube University, reading books written by authors, investigating how to utilize what I already know to change who I am. Is this a midife crisis????
Have you ever evaluated who you are? Really looked at what you have accomplished and where you want to go?
Goals during Midlife Motherhood
I write goals every year. I create monthly goals. Weekly goals are established. Now, I want my goals to go deeper and stretch me further. At this point in my life, I reflect on things that I should have done before having children. Not that the children stop me from doing certain things, children just make things take a longer time and cost more money. Reflecting at where I am in midlife allows me to evaluate what really matters; what is the most important; how I can get more of those things in my life.
During midlife, you look around and see what happened in the years before and then look at what you think will be the future years you hope to have left. This can create feelings of anxiousness. What did you not accomplish? What did you not do? Who is not with you anymore? Sometimes as moms, we have put some dreams on hold because we want to support others with their dreams. But what if this is a time where we pick these dreams back up? It is not too late. This midlife time in your life can be the time that dreams can be developed and accomplished quicker than ever. Think about all of the experience you have and where it can take you.
Midlife should not be the end of dreams that got pushed to the back of your mind. If anything, midlife should allow you to reignite those dreams. Now, you can actively make a plan on how to accomplish the goals that you had. Many times those initial dreams in life are activities that we are really good at. They are the things that make up the core of our being and make us who we are. Think about those goals in your life. What is a goal you put aside in order to support your spouse or your children?
Steps for ending a midlife motherhood crisis
Step 1 during midlife motherhood crisis: acknowledgement
The first step in any growth and recovery is always acknowledgement of the situation you are presently in. If you are in a period of midlife motherhood where you feel stuck or unproductive, you have to admit that to yourself. The worse thing to do is to lie to yourself. The first step out of a difficulty is to realize that a difficulty exists. The step of acknowledgment allows for you to be able to move past the difficult time. Frustration may exist because you believe that you have wasted time in the past and you could be much farther along if you did not fail.
Leave the feelings of frustration behind and realize that you need to move beyond it. Change has to occur in order for you to be able to achieve a level of success.
Step 2 during midlife motherhood crisis: goal setting
Once you’ve acknowledged where you are, you can begin to formulate a plan for moving forward. Break down your goals into manageable steps and establish a support system to help you stay accountable and motivated along the way.
Having goals is the only way that you are going to be able to have a level of success. You can not just live each day as it comes and expect a different outcome. Make small steps towards something larger to create a difference in your life.
Step 3 during midlife motherhood crisis: action
Setting goals is one thing. But they are nothing if you do not put action to them. You have to do something!
Take your goals, break them into smaller steps and perform smaller steps each day to allow you to move closer to your larger goal. This will become your action plan. Seeing a larger goal in smaller steps makes it appear more manageable and less overwhelming. You are dreaming of something great, so don’t be overcome by the largeness of it. Make it small and achievable.
Give yourself deadlines of when the tasks should be completed. This creates a sense of urgency when you are beginning a new day. If you have to complete something prior to moving forward with something else, you must focus on the first step first. Readjusting your plan is sometimes needed, so check in with yourself at scheduled intervals to assess your progress. Take note of changes that need to be made.
Accountability partner during action
One key addition that can assist you during this step is having an accountability partner. Being a midlife mother comes with a variety of responsibilities and being able to have a friend is imperative. An accountability partner goes even further than a friend in that the relationship that is created is one of mutual exchange of ideas and respect. An accountability partner provides constructive feedback that can allow you to see your actions from another view point.
Feelings of isolation and frustration can be present when we are attempting to meet our goals. We may feel like the only person who has been able to to travel this journey; however having an accountability partner lets you know that you are not alone on this path.
Benefits of an accountability partner are: maintaining focus on tasks, assists with task prioritization, aids with time management, and creates encouragement for consistent action.
Are your bad habits holding you back from where you want to be in life? Negative habits can trap you in a cycle of stagnation, stress, and unfulfilled potential. It becomes self-sabatoge. It’s time to end those helpless habits. My latest book offers insights and practical strategies to replace those destructive habits with positive ones to move you towards a level of success. Take action now. Don’t let bad habits dictate your future—invest in your growth. Get your copy today and start your flourishing journey to lasting positive change!
Thank you for taking time to read this post. Please comment below with what was the most impactful for you and how you are going to take action.