How to Identify a Helicopter Parent

Find Your Flourish: Mastering Midlife. This is a true view into the daily routine of a 40-something year old woman.

How do you define a helicopter parent? What comes to your mind when you think of a helicopter parent? Have you been called a helicopter parent before? Do you know a helicopter parent?

Helicopter parenting was developed in 1969 in book by Dr. Haim Ginott that discussed parenting teenagers. The teenagers in the book described parents as hovering over them all the time like a helicopter. Helicopter parenting is “a parent who is closely involved with their child’s life and tries to control it too much, especially their child’s education.”

My family went to a pool party recently. This party was given by a family who entertains often. They always have plenty of food and then send you with food to-go as well. They make sure everyone has an enjoyable time. They have karaoke. They bring together all sorts of individuals who may not know each other otherwise, but some of their friends have seen my children grow up. My children are always asking if they are having a party every weekend.

So at a recent party, they opened up their pool for anyone who wanted to swim. My children enjoy swimming so they are always ready to get in the water. My two oldest know how to swim well and the youngest is developing her skills quickly. I did not want to swim but my husband had on his suit. I had on shorts so I was at the pool’s edge with my feet in the pool.

The set up of their pool is great. It is heated so there is not that initial shock when you first get in. You can just get in and start enjoying the water. The pool also has a tanning deck so there is a 8 foot long shelf with about 5 inches of water before you get into the actual pool. Very nice! People, mostly children, were in the pool with pool noodles, floats, having a good time.

As I sat at the end of the pool, a small toddler eating a piece of pizza came over to me. I had not met the mother or the toddler prior to this party. Her mother was poolside on one of the deck chairs eating her own food. I am always leery of water and children so this was not any different. The toddler came up to me and started to talk to me with her hand on my shoulder. I just smiled and responded back to her. The mother tried to get the toddler to return to her at the chair by enticing her with more food, but she appeared content eating the piece of pizza she already had. The toddler used my shoulder to step down onto the tanning deck with pizza in hand. The mother did not come and get her daughter at this point. She just let her walk around in the water eating her pizza.

I kept thinking the tanning deck does end and there is a significant drop. Maybe this toddler does know how to already swim. Eventually the water was too much to resist and the toddler dropped the piece of pizza. I kept looking at the mother like she is going to get up, she is going to get up…….

The mother did eventually get up when the toddler appeared to be inching closer to the end of the tanning deck. The mother brought her toddler to the chair, but the toddler wanted to return to the pool. So the mother finished her food. I applaud her for that. And then put the toddler’s swim vest on her.

What happens next still boggles my mind because I am completely opposite of this mother. We know every mother is different and every child is different. I just know that what happened had my own anxiety level very high and it wasn’t even my child. 

The mother put her daughter’s swim vest on her and they stepped into the pool on the tanning deck. Now this is where my actions would have differed from the mother’s; however we are all different. The mother stood right where they stepped into the pool. Right at the edge. The toddler was ready to explore. I mean she had been waiting for this moment. She was ready. So she just begins to walk around on the deck at first someone hesitantly then she gained courage. She turns towards the rest of the pool and the other people and starts to walk. Now, I think surely this mother is going to call her back, get her, or something. My head is going from the toddler to the mother to the mother to the toddler; back and forth, back and forth. 

The toddler just walks off the edge of the tanning deck and basically turns upside down because her legs are not under her and the float places her like a turtle on its back. That’s when everyone rushes towards her as she is blinking with wide eyes and spurting water. Someone else besides the mother reaches her first. The mother precedes to tell the toddler that she can not just walk off the deck. This is a concept I do not think she can comprehend at this point.

I am completely opposite. I am not sure if I would call myself a helicopter parent but I think I have some characteristics of one.

More information about helicopter parenting can be located here.

Helicopter parenting test

Did you find truth about yourself in any of these statements? Then, you may have some characteristics of a helicopter parent.

Some of my parenting characteristics

• I do keep my children close to me.
• I do plan activities for us to participate in as a family.
• I do follow up with my children’s friends. Now, I do not have to be friends with the parents but I do have to know about them and their principles.
• I do talk to my children individually and together about their lives, desires, dreams.
• We do have family dinners most days of the week.

Based on these characteristics, some may categorize me as a helicopter parent. I do enjoy my family and spending time with my children; however they are individuals who I allow to experience events for themselves and work on building their independence. Parenting is not an easy journey at all and we are usually learning as we go. I do also know that I do the best with the knowledge I have with the intention of developing my children into kind, independent, joyful, productive adults.

I am not a doctor of mental health, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a counselor. I am a wife, mother of 3 children, and an entrepreneur who has numerous life experiences that I utilize to create blog posts, as well as personal research that I perform. Thank you for reading this post and share with others you know will benefit from this information!

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• Mastering Midlife: Page 1
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Be you, be focused, be well! Find Your Flourish! |Shanna|