Do You Think Birth Order is Important?

Find Your Flourish: Mastering Midlife. This is a true view into the daily routine of a 40-something year old woman.

Today it is raining and I am at home with my oldest child and my youngest child. These are the girls. One is a teenager. One is a toddler. So we have tears and yelling from both at various times depending on what is going on. I am grateful of the gap between the two. When I was pregnant with the toddler, people were surprised that we “waited so long.”

Many times, people do not think before they speak.

Many times, people do not have any experience with where you are in your life.

Most times, people do not know your story at all. And they don’t ask.

There has been a lot of information shared in the public space about difficulty with conceiving a baby or trouble maintaining a healthy pregnancy. So sometimes, gaps between children are not “planned”. The gaps are present sometimes because the original plan did not happen.

So that is what happened between my first and second child. I had an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in the removal of one of my fallopian tubes due to the concern for rupture, inability for the baby to develop fully, and detrimental effects to me (death). So we had to wait between child one and two because I had to heal from surgery. Then we did not think we were going to have any more children after the first two. 

We changed our minds and decided to have a third child, hence the gap between one and three.

Having a gap definitely gives me a different view of myself. No one really tells you that when you have children you are growing up with them. You are becoming an adult or an older adult. You are learning about yourself. You are discovering yourself. You are establishing yourself in your profession. All the while, your children are growing up with you. It doesn’t matter what age you are when they are born. You are all growing and developing. You are establishing your beliefs and developing your characteristics. The oldest child grows up with different person than who your youngest child interacts with. You have had different experiences in between each of them.

At each stage, I just strive to do the best I knowingly can with the knowledge I have at the time. Yes, I get some complaints from the teenager about how the toddler has it easier. And the middle child has things to say as well about how the oldest has more leeway than they do and how the youngest gets everything. The middle child has to deal with being in the middle as well a being the only male chid.

The way my child are spaced and the fact that I have 2 girls and 1 boy peaked my interest in birth order. My children exhibit some characteristics based on where they fall in birth order.

Child 1- leader, in control

Child 2- people pleaser, conflict resolver

Child 3- agreeable, outgoing

https://www.parents.com/baby/development/social/birth-order-and-personality/

Do you fit characteristics with your own birth order? What about your children?

I am an only child and there has been a lot studied about how only children behave. I like to think that some of the negative characteristics based on being an only child I have been able to overcome. However I know that some of the characteristics have made me into the person I am today.

Birth order is not anything that you can change; however knowing how your children may respond in some situations based on their birth order or knowing how to relate to them based on their birth order can help a lot with communication. Sometimes my children make me laugh because they act just like I would expect them to in certain situations. Like I know this is really going to upset them- then they are upset. I try to counteract this by creating positive situations. It is difficult enough to grow up with siblings while trying to establish yourself as a person. Home should be a safe space where children feel loved, but where they can also be themselves, faults and all.

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Come back this month to read more Blogtober posts.

• Functional Fixedness and Its Effects
• 5 Ways to Implement Carlson’s Law to Increase Your Success
• Mastering Midlife: Page 2
• Mastering Midlife: Page 1
• New Quarter; Find out what’s new

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