How to Return the Gift of Mom Guilt

The holiday time is wonderful for spending time with your family, making memories, experiencing relaxation. This time can also increase stress levels and anxiety in some. Mom guilt is the gift that continues to give to moms throughout the year. It can be extra strong during holiday time. The gift of mom guilt is not one that you want to keep in your life.

Sources of Holiday Mom Guilt

Time

In your daily routine, most days are so full to where it seems like there are not enough hours in the day. You try to get all the tasks completed and accomplish what needs to be done. You have your own tasks. You have other activities that you have to doo for your family members. You also have to find time for self care. Some tasks have to be pushed to the next day. This becomes more amplified during the holidays. You have your Holiday Bucket Lists and all the events you want your family to experience. How can you fit it all in with the other activities you have going on? Especially if you are still working during this time. It becomes a huge balancing act. 

The mom guilt comes from feeling like you do not have enough time to participate everything that is going on during the holiday time. It comes from those feelings that you will not be able to do everything that you planned to be a part of. You have a desire to make memories with your family, but what if you can’t get to everything? Mom guilt comes from experiencing those feelings.

Money

Budgeting is difficult during the year during regular months. But holiday months can create an extra strain on the budget. Holiday time may even have you rethinking your budget. Or have you focusing more on what you think you are lacking. You want to provide your children with the activities, celebration, or gifts that they are interested in. There are always new things to buy and new things that your children are interested in. You might have your eye on something for your significant other as well. You have the desire to provide things for your children that you never had. If you are in a better than the position your parents were in when you were younger, you probably think that you want to do more for your children because you can. You are successful, why not give them some of their desires?

Mom guilt comes from feeling like you don’t have enough money to do everything you want to do for your children. It can also come feeling like you could be creating entitled, spoiled children.  

Events

There is so much to do. So much to celebrate. New events are created every year. New trends develop. Your family grows and changes, so do their interests. You have your previous traditions, but you want to build on what you have done in the past. You have to decide what is a priority and what you will participate in with your family. But how do you decide what are the best things to do? How do you pick what your children will enjoy the most?

The mom guilt develops as a result of trying to fit in all the activities and also hope that everyone enjoys what has been chosen. What if you pick the wrong activity? What if what you choose is not all you thought it would be? You are working on a limited time. You may be off work for a certain amount of time and your children are only out of school for a certain amount of time. This creates added pressure to participate in the best activities as soon as you can.

Keys to Returning Mom Guilt

Mom guilt can be a huge factor in holiday enjoyment. Mom guilt can make the holidays a tough time for moms. Moms can become so wrapped up in creating others’ happiness that they do not attend to what their own needs are. When will you put yourself first? Most moms will let you know that they will try AFTER the holidays are over to focus on themselves. Don’t wait! You have to incorporate self care into your holiday plans. Without caring for you, frustration can arise. Continue to make  yourself a priority even when you are celebrating the holidays.

Be intentional

Being intentional takes effort on your part, but may continue to get easier as you do it more and more. Try and live intentionally throughout the year. Think about what you want to get out of a day or an experience. Focus on what you want to get out of the holidays, what feelings you want to experience when you think of the holiday. Decide on the goal of your interaction with family members and other individuals, then act accordingly. You can control your own interaction and responses to your environment. Choose kindness and positivity.

Plan early

Making plans can help you feel more in control of what is happening in your life. Holiday time is no different! You can be in control of events. You can plan what you want to do. The key to planning during holiday time is starting early. Time around the holidays goes quickly. Yes, you may be off work for a few days but expect those days to go by fast. Begin planning for holidays at least one month in advance to make sure you can get in all the activities you desire, as well as have necessary items in place for what you are going to do. Planning aid in decreasing the stress around the holidays.

Communicate

Communicating with your family members at holiday time is beneficial for your sanity. Communication also allows for their feelings to be taken into account. What do they want to do during this time? What do you want to do? Are these activities similar? What can you do to combine the activities together? 

Also what items are they looking for? Depending on your household, communicating expectations about gift giving is important even with younger children. What do you want the focus to be on during holiday time? This is a household decision. Holiday time is a great time to instruct your children on your household values. These values may differ from what society portrays but it is your house. You provide the focus for your family.

Interested in reading about my own mom guilt triggers that is not just around holiday time. Check them out here.

Realize that you are not alone in the area of mom guilt. Another post about it can be found here.

Your Thoughts on Mom Guilt

• How do you handle holiday time in your house? Are you easy going and able to limit your stress? Do you become overwhelmed and then experience a level of mom guilt?
• What have you done to reduce your mom guilt at holiday time?

Check out more posts on Find Your Flourish!

• How to Use Affirmations to Support Your Children
• How to Customize Your Morning Routine so It Works
• How to Discover Your Passion and Develop Your Midlife Business
• Mom [Boss]
• How to Identify and Set Intentions for Your Morning Routine

National Alliance on Mental Health

Sometimes you may need additional support beyond what you or those around you can provide. Please reach out for support.

• If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, seek help. If it is an emergency, call 911.
• If you are looking for assistance that is non-emergent, reach out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness https://www.nami.org/help. 
• The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., ET. 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org
• You can also text NAMI at Text NAMI to 741-741.Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.

I am not a doctor of mental health, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a counselor. I am a wife, mother of 3 children, and an entrepreneur who has numerous life experiences that I utilize to create blog posts, as well as personal research that I perform. Thank you for reading this post and share with others you know will benefit from this information!

Thank you for reading this post. Make sure to comment with your thoughts about this topic. I continue to have some focus on mom guilt because I know many of us can relate to this topic. Mom guilt may plague many moms, but the consequences it has on individuals can also be present in others with their own type of guilt. Please take the time and share this post with someone you know it would benefit.

Be you, be well, be focused! Find Your Flourish! |Shanna|