How Important are Friendships When Adulting?

Friendship is important throughout your life. It is amazing how the selection of friends changes as you get older. My toddler goes to a learning center and we refer to her classmates as her friends. She really enjoys playing and learning with them. It starts out so easy. This process of making friends. It becomes friends by association. If you are in a situation together when you are young, you become fast friends. Everyone is interested in the same activities and likes to play with each other. As we grow, interactions become more complex. Likes and dislikes surface. We become more restrictive about who we identify as a friend. The importance of friendship does not decrease as we get older even if finding friends becomes more of a challenge.

Friendship defined

Friendship is defined as a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people.

Friendship can be characterized by five defining features:

1. It is a dyadic relationship, meaning that it involves a series of interactions between two individuals known to each other.

2. It is recognized by both members of the relationship and is characterized by a bond or tie of reciprocated affection.

3. It is not obligatory; two individuals choose to form a friendship with each other. In Western societies, friendships are one of the least prescribed close relationships, with no formal duties or legal obligations to one another.

4. It is typically egalitarian in nature. Unlike parent-child relationships, for instance, each individual in a friendship has about the same amount of power or authority in the relationship.

5. It is almost always characterized by companionship and shared activities. In fact, one of the primary goals and motivations of friendship is companionship. In addition, adolescent and adult friendships often perform other functions, such as serving as sources of emotional support and providing opportunities for self-disclosure and intimacy.

Quoted from Britannica.com

Adult friend types

Family friends

Many times our adult friends are situational based on where we are in our lives and what our family dynamic is. We may start out with single friends, who then progress to friends who are married, and then to friends who have children who are the same age as our own children. Sometimes you have friends who are at various states of being and these relationships work well also.

Interest friends

You have your hobbies and your interests. Some of your friends have these same interests. These interests bring you together. Sometimes you perform these activities together. You choose some people based on the activities you all like to participate in together. You may be learning a new skill together or it may be something that you have enjoyed participating in for awhile.

Fun friends

Sometimes you just need someone to have a good time with. You need a belly laugh to get through a challenging time and these friends help you do that. You just have a good time with them. You couldn’t imagine life without having them in it because they make you happy being around them. Sharing laughs. Making memories.

How to be an excellent friend

Be friendly

You are aware of the Golden Rule https://www.dictionary.com/browse/golden-rule .This rule becomes a way that children are taught to treat each other that continues to be emphasized through adulthood. It has a Christian basis; however people from all backgrounds use it as a way to spread kindness. Think of others before yourself and then treat them how you want to be treated.

Treat others how you want to be treated. It sounds easy enough…..BUT is not always easy because not everyone lives by this rule all the time which creates a challenge for you if you are trying to pay it forward. I believe that this should not stop you from being kind to others. Kindness is something that is needed by everyone in all situations. Kindness helps us operate from seeing everyone as an individual and not being judgmental when we interact with people. I strive to do this everyday. Some days are more difficult than others.

Be available and supportive

To be a friend, you have to be around for your friend in order to have a safe space for exchange of ideas and feelings. If your friend is having a challenge in their life, you should be available to help them if they need it. When your friend has something happen in their life, you should be supportive of their decisions and encourage them. You may not always agree with your friend’s decision but that does not mean that you can not support them. There are times when you may need to provide them with some tough information. That is also why friends are so important. They can be honest with each other, even when it is difficult.

Be fun

Everyone likes to have fun. You may have difficult times in your life, but still be able to have fun and enjoy yourself. In order to have friends, you need to be able to have a good time. Have fun. Enjoy life. I know things can be hard sometimes. BUT you still have to find the good in it. Friends can help us do this. Friends enjoy each other’s company.

How to prevent toxic and draining friendships

Having high self confidence and knowing your own self worth aids in decreasing friendships that are not supportive to you. You have to realize you are worthy of positive interaction all of the time. Developing that confidence begins early in life. There are a few blog posts on developing confidence in your children: https://theshannajanel.com/how-to-build-rock-solid-confidence-in-your-children/ and https://theshannajanel.com/secure-your-childs-confidence-using-these-steps/ . Being able to identify toxic and draining friendships is important to end these exchanges early.

2-way communication

Toxic friendships result in one person being the main communicator. One person always initiates contact, text, or phone calls. Unless the other person has a need. Are you always calling that one person? Does it seem like they do not reach out to you until they need something? That may be a toxic friendship.

Relationship should not be all about the other individual

Toxic friendships become all about one person; their interests; their likes. These friendships have a single focus. Do you have a friendship that you always do what one person wants to do? Are your interests not taken into account?

Doesn’t pull you down

Toxic friendships do not support you at all. Sometimes these relationships even make you feel worse than you would on your own. The other person may interact harshly with you or use words that are hurtful. These relationships affect your self confidence by decreasing it. There is no support in this friendship.

Evaluate your friendships

Eliminate negative relationships

Ending a friendship, especially if it has been after a long time, is extremely hard. Sometimes you may have to do a drastic cut off and end communication. Whatever you have to do to support yourself, you should do to move forward from a friendship that is not depositing anything into your life. You want friends who support you and who are available. A toxic friendship does not allow for this to happen. It is not going to be helpful for you and your mental health to maintain this friendship.

Surround yourself with supportive people

I recently had 2 friends who are doing new, great things in their lives. I actually spoke with both of them on the same day. I was just as excited for them like the event was happening to me. Find your crew. The people who will be there to lift you up when you have those wins but also when you have the lows in life. Friends will be there throughout it all. Do you have your crew?

In a toxic friendship and need help

National Alliance on Mental Health

Sometimes you may need additional support beyond what you or those around you can provide.

• If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, seek help. If it is an emergency, call 911.
• If you are looking for assistance that is non-emergent, reach out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness https://www.nami.org/help. 
• The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., ET. 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org
• You can also text NAMI at Text NAMI to 741-741.Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.

I am not a doctor of mental health, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a counselor. I am a wife, mother of 3 children, and an entrepreneur who has numerous life experiences that I utilize to create blog posts, as well as personal research that I perform. Thank you for reading this post and share with others you know will benefit from this information! Be you, be focused, be well! Find Your Flourish! |Shanna|