How to Build Rock Solid Confidence in your Children

When your baby is first born, you are enamored with their beauty, the cute baby items, and the little baby clothes. It takes some time for the realization to set in that you are raising a human. Like they will not be in this small package forever. There are so many things that have to be addressed as this baby continues to grow and develop. You have dreams and aspirations for your baby. In order to accomplish these dreams, your child has to be confident. Some of this confidence is innate. They are born with it and it continues to grow as they are nourished. Some of their confidence comes from their interactions with you, as well as others. You have a role in how your children’s confidence develops. Help your children build rock solid confidence that will serve them when they are young and as they grow.

One of parenting’s main goals

The one of the main goals of parenting is to assist our children through all the developmental stages. Once they come out of the stages, you hope that they have developed into a wonderful adult who can serve themselves and others in society with their gifts. This is a goal. I don’t think it matters what your background is. We all have a similar goal. Sometimes we go about reaching the goal differently. But the goal is the same.

We want out children to contribute to society in some way. We also want our children to be individuals. Part of being a human is a degree of individuality. We have our own likes and dislikes. We express ourselves in different ways. That is what is so great about humans. We are all individuals! 

Sometimes it takes longer for someone to embrace who they are. As a parent, you can help your child with this. You can accept their peculiarities and expose some of your own so they know they are not alone.

Benefits of Family Time

Family time create numerous benefits for family members. The benefits are available for all members of a family no matter their age.

Family time benefits:

• Increase emotional bond
• Improve communication
• Build confidence- this benefit is the focus of this post
• Improve mental health

Motherhood anxiety and mom guilt

Mothers have to fight against anxiety and guilt through the various stages of their children’s lives. Mom guilt is something that mothers deal with to varying degrees as their children grow. Motherhood creates anxiety as well that may relate directly to children and their behavior.

Questions that mothers ask daily that create anxiety

• How will my children act when they are out of the house?
• Are my children able to do well in school?
• Will my children be kind to others?
• Can my children listen to my instructions the first time?
• Do my children like me?
• What will my children be successful doing?
• Will my children stay safe?

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Having anxiety can sometimes affect your ability to perform daily activities and routines. If this is the case, see the resource of NAMI for assistance.

National Alliance on Mental Illness

• If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, seek help. If it is an emergency, call 911.
• If you are looking for assistance that is non-emergent, reach out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness https://www.nami.org/help. The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., ET.
• 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org
• You can also text NAMI at Text NAMI to 741-741.
• Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.

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Types of parents

Anxiety may also develop when your children’s behavior is less than optimal. Let’s say their behavior is unacceptable. How do you respond? Are you a tea pot parent that takes some time before the steam builds up and you blow your top? Are you a lightening parent that immediately lashes out when the conditions are less than optimal? Are you a lazy river parent that is nice and slow with responses? Or are you a combination of them all?

• Tea pot parent
• Lightening parent
• Lazy river parent

Your parenting style and how you interact with your children when they exhibit any sort of behavior, good or bad, affects how confidence is developed in your child.

Things that shape children’s confidence

Parenting techniques and interaction with parents

Your style of parenting and how you interact with your children directly affects their confidence level. This means you should assess your interaction with your children. Make note of areas that need improvement. Address these areas. Improve your interaction for the better and see how this effects their confidence level.

Personal decisions and outcomes

Children make decisions from an early age. That is how they begin early learning in the form of cause and effect. If I do something, then something else happens. They continue to make decisions and see how the outcomes of their decisions impact their lives. As a parent, you need to help them develop this decision making and refine their decision making process so that the outcomes of their decisions are positive. Positive outcomes reinforce their thought process and they gain confidence in their abilities.

Friends and their influences

The individuals that your child says are their friends impact their confidence as well. How they are able to interact with their peers, the activities they do together, and their overall interaction influence their confidence. The amount of influence friends have on your child varies based on personality type, as well as their age.

Ways to increase children’s confidence

Family time increases confidence

Spending time with family having engaging interaction increases confidence. Yes, we all have our faults but our family loves us just the same. Family time also allows for children and adults to express themselves and their dreams. With family to provide support, an individual feels like they can go forward into the world with their family supporting them.

Activities they are good at increases confidence

Everyone likes to be good at something. And we all have our gifts. Find out what your children’s gifts are. What their interests are. Encourage them to develop in those areas. Once you find what they enjoy, show your interest in those things too. See what you can do to support them in those activities they enjoy.

Providing freedom to make decisions increases confidence

This is one of the scary parts of parenting. I talk to my mother about it now. My parents let me make more and more decisions as I got older. When your children are young, those decisions are small, but they seem huge to them. Like wearing boots in the summer. As they get older, it may be about dating or school choices. Trust what you have already developed in them. Allow them to think through decisions in their life (within reason) to increase their confidence level.

When to start building children’s confidence

It is never too early to start building confidence in children. When they are babies, we provide them with that initial confidence. We are who they can trust as we feed them, bathe them, and care for them. We provide them with that initial stability in their lives. 

It is documented that confidence and self esteem are established by the age of 5 years old. That places a lot of pressure on parents as they are raising little humans. It is a challenge to not make what you consider a mistake and do the right thing as your toddler grows into a child. And you have to instill confidence in them at the same time. 

Does this mean if your child is older than the age of 5 years old it is too late to give their confidence a boost? Definitely not! You can always support someone’s confidence. Like your own or your husband’s. I currently have a preteen and know that it is not too late to continue to provide positive support to their confidence.  

How confidence changes

I sometimes become aware of a motherhood error I have made. Like I immediately wish I could rewind the situation and do it over. But there are no do overs. I have to continue to move ahead with each child in their own way supporting them and loving them. Confidence increases and decreases as we go through our growth process.

Where is your confidence level at this point in your life? Are you more confident in certain situations than others?

This is no different for our children. Be there to support them when confidence is low and help them raise their confidence level up so they are able to face the next part of life.

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This post is to guide you to a starting point so you can build rock solid confidence in your children. I know it is something you can do! Again it is just a starting point. There may be some children who need additional support to increase their confidence level.

I really want to encourage you to be intentional with your interactions with your children, even when you feel like you have tried everything to get control of a situation or have them listen to what you are saying. Come from a place of love! Support the person they are developing into!

Resources about children’s confidence

https://www.pbs.org/parents/learn-grow/age-2/emotions-self-awareness/self-confidence Speaks directly to development of confidence before age 5 years old.

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/self-esteem Has outcomes and effects that low confidence has on a child. Also provides ways to aid in increasing it for yourself and your children.

https://childmind.org/article/12-tips-raising-confident-kids/

I am passionate about optimal work life balance and I can help women excel in both areas without compromising in either area because I have found systems of planning, organization, and personal development that help achieve goals. I created this blog to discuss topics on our journey of motherhood that we experience daily. Come on this journey with me and Find Your Flourish!

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Be you, be focused, be well! Find Your Flourish! |Shanna|

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